In contrast to the sad things going on in my life at the moment, I gave my first sermon on Sunday. It was short and of course only mediocre. However, once I got past the nausea, I was thrilled by the fact that I could envision myself giving the same sermon in the future. I could see myself improving the sermon each time and could see my own ability to engage with the congregation improving. It was wonderful to get past my own insecurities and be able to see that moment as the first awkward step on a journey. The first tender shoots sprouting from the seed of my calling.
I even kept my sense of humor through the immediate “loving” criticisms of a few congregation members (including from a theater director). I decided that my diamond-in-the-rough-self can be a group project. It takes a village, right? Besides, the people who gave me positive feedback said some really wondeful things from the heart. They were the ones who helped me to catch a glimpse of what I hope to become.
I’ve been meaning to post but I’ve had so much going on that I haven’t managed to get back into the swing of it. I really shouldn’t take the time with my final paper to write. But I’ve been sad this week over my sick kitty. I’ve had to watch her crouched with a look of suffering and sometimes, like this morning, drool coming from her mouth. I’m afraid the antibiotic we’re giving her is not working and that at the vet tomorrow morning we’ll be faced with a decision we dread. I’m not ready to say good-bye to Tao, but I can’t bear to see her suffer. We have three other kitties to love, but each one is special. My grandmother is quoted as saying that she would never get another animal when hers died, because it was too painful to lose them. She always did get another of course.
Stumbling through the forest in search of the path to healing, I discovered that the very act of moving my body can be healing. Not just the cumulative effect of regular exercise which is the focus of medical research, but in the very moment that I am moving. I found that my intention and emotion can shape whether movement is healing. I found a big difference between the walks I took that focused on physical intensity and speed and the walks that focused on relaxation and fluidity. It was the latter type that I found the most healing for chronic pain. When I progressed from short 5-15 minute walks to regular 30-60 minute walks, I added dance to my movement repertoire. Our Parks & Recreation program offers bellydance classes that have become a favorite of mine.
Attending the Neuroscience and Spiritual Practice conference at Claremont Theological School yesterday, I was reminded by one of the speakers, Dr. Monica Coleman, of my interest in Gabrielle Roth‘s dance method of spiritual practice. I have some of DVDs and had tried them a few times and kept meaning to get back to them. When I returned from the Spiritual Formation class in August, I actually dug out the DVD set and it had been sitting on my coffee table waiting for me. Inspired by last night’s lecture, I moved past my inertia and put The Wave in my DVD player. I then danced my stiff body around my living room for about 3o minutes. It felt awkward at times, but I know over time I will move past my self-consciousness. Gabrielle Roth even points out that we will feel resistant to some types of movement and to just move through it. I also unearthed Roth’s book which I had been meaning to read, Sweat Your Prayers: Movement as Spiritual Practice. Since becoming a full-time graduate student, I spend a lot of time sitting so I need to balance it with more movement. Perhaps I will create a daily dancing practice. Wouldn’t that be wonderful!
Earlier this year, I fell in love with a radio show on Pacifica station KPFA, the Visionary Activist Show. I’ve been happily amazed by how so many of my favorite subjects and authors get woven together on Caroline Casey‘s show. I love the mix of mythology and social justice issues. The day she quoted from both Zora Neale Hurston and Loren Eiseley, I was hooked. I listen to the podcast when I go for walks, and after obsessively working my way through the archives I am finally caught up. The guest on last week’s show, Paul Stamets, will be a presenter at the upcoming Bioneers conference. I had heard of his amazing work with mushrooms (video below) but this was the first time I heard him speak about it. His research includes cleaning polluted soil, creating new insecticides, and treating smallpox. Van Jones, the 2008 Ware Lecturer will also be at the Bioneers conference, as will Atema Eclai, Director of Programs at the Unitarian Universalist Service Committee. Attending the conference is definitely on my list of things to do, when I have a few bucks to spare.
I am celebrating that my blog is back! Okay, the content was always there, but the layout and design functions stopped working when I upgraded WordPress about a month ago. Just plain text on a white page.
But no more! A WordPress support forums moderator came to my rescue and I’m back in business. I’m noticing a few minor modifications to my theme that got lost in the upgrade. I just have to remember how I did them in the first place. My brain has been taken over by theological pursuits but it is starting to come back to me.
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