Stumbling through the forest in search of the path to healing, I discovered that the very act of moving my body can be healing. Not just the cumulative effect of regular exercise which is the focus of medical research, but in the very moment that I am moving. I found that my intention and emotion can shape whether movement is healing. I found a big difference between the walks I took that focused on physical intensity and speed and the walks that focused on relaxation and fluidity. It was the latter type that I found the most healing for chronic pain. When I progressed from short 5-15 minute walks to regular 30-60 minute walks, I added dance to my movement repertoire. Our Parks & Recreation program offers bellydance classes that have become a favorite of mine.
Attending the Neuroscience and Spiritual Practice conference at Claremont Theological School yesterday, I was reminded by one of the speakers, Dr. Monica Coleman, of my interest in Gabrielle Roth’s dance method of spiritual practice. I have some of DVDs and had tried them a few times and kept meaning to get back to them. When I returned from the Spiritual Formation class in August, I actually dug out the DVD set and it had been sitting on my coffee table waiting for me. Inspired by last night’s lecture, I moved past my inertia and put The Wave in my DVD player. I then danced my stiff body around my living room for about 3o minutes. It felt awkward at times, but I know over time I will move past my self-consciousness. Gabrielle Roth even points out that we will feel resistant to some types of movement and to just move through it. I also unearthed Roth’s book which I had been meaning to read, Sweat Your Prayers: Movement as Spiritual Practice. Since becoming a full-time graduate student, I spend a lot of time sitting so I need to balance it with more movement. Perhaps I will create a daily dancing practice. Wouldn’t that be wonderful!
I’ve been going through a significant transformation in my life as I have entered into seminary. Attending a two-week intensive class created the catalyst to reform my sense of identity. I was feeling a bit awkward in my first steps down the new path, preparing to leave for Indiana and doing the preliminary assignments. However during those two “intense” weeks away from home with my fellow distance students, I forged a sense of myself as a seminary student and vital connections to my peers. Returning to my life was disorienting and I’m finally starting to feel grounded in this reality.
I had been feeling especially blessed because of how healthy I was feeling. Even with only half an hour of sleep on the morning I departed (shuttle picked me up at 3:50am!), I felt amazingly well. Then during the class I focused on self-care which wasn’t difficult when you step outside the housing to see deer grazing and then walk down a winding path to waterfall each day. It wasn’t until this first week back home that the pressures finally manifested in my physical symptoms. I started feeling achy and realized I was coming down with a bug. I have been partially successful in fighting it off, as I haven’t developed any respiratory symptoms so far. However, I felt woozy and couldn’t keep my eyes open on Friday plus developed significant pain in my arms. I never figured out exactly why, but it hasn’t been uncommon for me to have flair up in my Fibro or TOS symptoms when I’ve been sick.
So I’m not really concerned, just trying to focus on taking care of myself. The tough part is dealing with the combination of classes, working at the job that I’m leaving, plus finding a new job. I’ll be glad when I get through saying goodbye to my old job and find a new job that is compatible with my new life as a full-time student.
August 24, 2008 by Pamela in
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I just discovered that there is a new book on yoga for Fibromyalgia. I haven’t checked out yet but heard about it at the Catherine Morgan’s blog Living with CFS. The blog author is a nurse and a contributing editor at BlogHer.org. Let me know if you find the book helpful.
July 3, 2008 by Pamela in
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Sharing my health challenges and my explorations of healing and wellness here has been very meaningful for me. I haven’t posted regularly here for a while because of the inner turmoil I have had over the direction I should go for my career. This is an issue for many but especially for those whose health challenges have impacted their ability to make a living. My husband and I continue to deal with the financial aftermath of lost income and increased health care costs. Although it is not necessarily logical, I have felt a strong sense of responsibility in restoring our financial situation.
My struggle has been between finding work that I am physically able to do and that brings adequate income for us to not be on shaky financial ground. Many times in my journey toward wellness I have taken steps backward recovery-wise as I tried to return to work. I was also often hiding my struggles with chronic pain in temp positions for fear of the employers not being willing to hire me permanently. When I was finally able to work full-time again, nearly 10 years after my initial injury, I was so very grateful. I have also been fortunate to be able to open about my health at my current position. As I recently began to search for a better paying position, I realized that my openness here about my health left me vulnerable to the new trend in employers researching applicants online.
I have tended to end up in positions that are stressful for me because they don’t use my strengths and they put physical stress on my body. So I have been considering career paths and looking at graduate school programs, trying to decide the best one for my health and for financial success. I’m happy to say that, while it may not be the most lucrative path, I have decided to follow my heart’s calling, and one month from today, I will be starting the Masters of Divinity program at Earlham School of Religion. I will specifically be focusing on preparing for positions in healthcare chaplaincy. Not only will I not have to hide my health history in this career path, but it will be a part of the life experiences that I bring to my work. I am truly excited to be able to draw on my own health challenges as I provide support to others. It will be a way to transform my darkest moments into a moments of hope and comfort for those in need of it.
July 2, 2008 by Pamela in
Uncategorized
While I’ve been having a lot of good experiences, it’s been a long time since I tried something new. For the past few days, I have participated in a series of Feldenkrais classes. I first learned of the method years ago and had it on my list of things I wanted to explore in relation to 
my repetitive strain injury. However, the nearest practitioner was some drive from here and private sessions were not in my budget. Because I recently started reading Muscular Retraining for Pain-Free Living, I was searching online for related information. That is when I stumbled on an affordable Feldenkrais series in walking distance from my apartment. How perfect! I wasn’t disappointed either. It’s been a wonderful experience and I’m looking forward to future series being offered. The classes as a whole are a relaxing experience and you leave feeling stretched. As we focused on the individual movements, we watched for unnecessary effort and tensing of our muscles. My intention in taking the classes was to explore the ways that my habitual movements and tendencies to tense up could be contributing to my ongoing chronic pain. I highly recommend giving Feldenkrais (and similar methods such as Alexander Technique) a try and I will report back more about the book as I get further along. The classes were the experiential accompaniment to the book that I was looking for.
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