Loss Doesn't Get Easier

The innocent joy of birthdays has been fading but I had not really noticed until this year. I am crossing a cultural threshold, but I am also moving into the days of losing more of those who I have come to love. I began to experience it earlier than many, because I was born out of step with my generation. My mother was 40 when I was born. She was the youngest child of my grandmother also gave birth to her at 40. So my grandmother was 80 at my birth and my cousins born to my mother’s elder siblings were old enough to call Aunt and Uncle. It was the generation of my 2nd cousins that were my playmates. I learned the pain of regret and the wish for more time with the early loss of my Uncle George and grandmother in one terribly sad summer.

As my 40th birthday has approached, I have wrestled with various personal demons – some (or perhaps all) a source of humor. However, this has been overshadowed by the unexpected loss yesterday of a beloved member of our church. I still feel like I can’t believe it. Being at church this morning was unbearably sad. I looked repeatedly at the card she recently gave me and the email she sent, to which I had not yet replied. She was offering to cover the office and do the order of service during an upcoming absence as she had often done before. Her proofreading skills brought me the most delight though, because her personality shown through in her analysis and edits of the announcements. She always apologized for being too picky and I always disagreed heartily – with the apology. I appreciated that she proofread with enthusiasm and with attention to detail. I rarely disagreed.

We had served together on the Communications committee for almost as long as I have been a member. She had far more to offer and her history with the church predates me so I could not begin to do her justice. I did get to see her in a delightful skit spoofing our church committees at our “sometimes annual” Cabaret. My church has been a surrogate family for me and Marylou is one I could have called Aunt. I can only imagine what my mother has gone through as she has lost her family and friends – one of her most painful on the very day of her birthday.