Self-care is part of the web of your life and is affected by any stress you are experiencing. Work is usually the primary source of stress for me. When the stress volume rises, I start to miss some of my self-care goals. It often starts with not sleeping well and starting the day tired. Next thing you know I haven’t had that good breakfast. I’m running out the door with an energy bar if I’m lucky. And then add skipping my morning yoga. I start my day frazzled and end up working through lunch. Uh, oh… there went my mid-day walk. I barely make it through the afternoon and work into the evening. I get home and collapse in front of the computer where I look for some modern day stress relief. Web surfing take me away!

Stress seems to start the spiral but it becomes a self-perpetuating downward trend. Once I am being sucked down into the vortex, it is hard to remind myself of how my good habits made me feel. How eating a good breakfast and doing yoga helped me feel so much more resilient. How the mid-day walk gave me a little boost of energy. Luckily I have my weekly Pilates session as a touchstone. When all else has fallen away, I still go to my weekly session. There I am reminded of how good my body can feel. Not necessarily during the session, which can be so hard. But afterwards, my body feels restored to a more healthy state of being. It loves to move – to stretch and to flex. It wants me to remember how good taking care of it feels.

Another week. Another chance to start again and start the spiral back upward.

The stress of modern life can get to be so much that you feel like you are spinning. Having not done my morning yoga, I drove to work thinking about how this is starting off to be day four without any of my goals met. Memories of playing at the beach when I was a kid flooded into my head. I loved to play in the ocean and would stay in until my lips were blue with cold. At some point I would end up getting knocked down by the waves. I would tumble and tumble underwater until the ocean spit me out. Coughing and full of sand, I would stumble to my beach towel and lay in the sun until I was rested and ready to head back in. The frantic pace of life can feel like that underwater tumble. I feel tossed about, head spinning but life doesn’t spit you out like the ocean eventually does. I long for that collapse in the warm sand. I know that I need to find away to create those moments of respite, but it can be so hard. Sometimes it seems like the shore is out of reach. Or as the case has been lately if I do head for the shore and try to rest, the waves seem to spin me so much harder when I return. Maybe it is monsoon season.

Walking down a local street of shops and restaurants, I spied a little basket of discount Ts. It was one of those serendipitous moments of just-my-size and extreme-cheapness that leads to thoughts of the item having been placed there just for me. Perhaps even wondering if there is a message from the universe in it. As an Eastern philosophy fan, I’m endlessly finding myself drawn to items with a Chinese symbol and accompanying English translation. This time the T-shirt also included some additional text. It read “Contentment” under the Chinese symbol plus it said:

“to hold onto and to let go of everything all at once”

I not only fell in love with it but decided it represented my turning 40 theme. It’s that sense of balance and acceptance I’m looking for as I progress into another stage of my life. There is so much I need to let go of and so much to appreciate. Let me rest in that contentment even just for a day or for a moment in the day.

You may have noticed my Joe’s Goals badge showed me crashing for a few days and then recovering and getting back on track (yeah!). Also, the other day at my third appointment, my chiropractor expressed some astonishment at how well I have responded to her treatment. After weekly appointments, I’m going back in 4 weeks to see how I’m doing. I was not so surprised because of all the work I’ve been doing – walking, yoga, pilates, qi gong. I’ve become a big believer in the synergy of using multiple approaches. Most importantly, I’m enjoying having my back feel so much better. It certainly makes contentment easier to attain!

It’s been a super busy period (with sore arms) and it has gone by so fast. I can’t believe how long it been since I last posted. I managed to keep up my goals until two days ago. The last two days went by with no walk or yoga or anything. I guess part of it is that my back has been feeling better thanks to the chiropractor. Pain is a great reminder to take better care of yourself.

So this is going to have to be a self-pep talk post. I’m not going to let it get me discouraged. I’m just going to focus on today. I’m going to visualize how much I want to go for a walk so I can’t forget to do it!

I have had my good days and bad days this week. I missed my morning yoga for the first time since I started tracking my goals – three times. However, I have been doing at least one of my goals everyday so I’m still moving in a positive direction. Or just, I’m still moving. My primary goal is just to move more. To weave it more and more into my daily rhythm and undo the progression towards a sedentary lifestyle. For me it was primarily health issues that pushed me in that direction, but modern life has helped too. I’m trying to reawaken that natural urge to get moving that I had as a child. It faded to some degree as I grew up focusing more on studying and work, but it was pain that really stopped me in my tracks. Moving began to be something to avoid. Moving = pain. Now I’m learning the ways that moving heals and reduces pain. I am remembering how much I love to dance and walk and to stretch like a cat. And even to rest in a good way. I had been envying my cats natural fluctuations between the pleasures of moving, resting and stretching. Now I too can enjoy a moment in the sun and a good stretch of my back.

I finally took the step of seeing a chiropractor. She doesn’t have the totally gentle style I prefer, but she is on my insurance! I have had one appointment so far and did notice that my back is not so stiff and painful. So we”ll see how it goes. I think she was a little disappointed that I have done as well as I have with caring for my back. I was in better shape on the day I saw her, but I knew that there was still work to be done. My back has been a weak point my whole life (I was diagnosed with scoliosis at age 11) so getting a tune-up from time-to-time would probably be a good idea.