I’ve been watching some live TV recently which is unusual for me. I rarely see commercials anymore because we TiVo all of our programs and zip right through the commercials. So I suddenly noticed the sleep related commercials – special beds, medications – and found myself wondering just how many Americans are going through life sleep deprived. I mean it’s not like I have never seen those commercials before. It was just that I was really noticing them and thinking about how many people must be suffering for these companies to make enough money. The bed commercial was the one that got to me. I have no desire to take pills, but listening to the descriptions of a pain free, restful night’s sleep was like a siren’s song. I started thinking, “If I win the lottery some day I’ll buy one of those beds…” Trouble sleeping is not new to me. I have had it as long as I can remember. Most of my life it was trouble falling asleep, but with Fibromyalgia I found that I couldn’t get rested no matter how much I slept. I’ve been feeling especially tired lately. I haven’t been doing the PM Qi Gong regularly yet, so I’m looking forward to seeing if it helps.

In a moment of synchronicity, I turned on the television to find the Oprah Winfrey show with Dr. Oz of the YOU books on it. I haven’t watched Oprah in ages, but I was curious to hear about the new YOU book. I love their diet and exercise approach to wellness and it was amazing to see the dramatic improvements to the participants’ health. It was in the final 10 minutes of the show that it happened… a woman suffering from Fibromyalgia said she was out of pain for the first time in 7 years. Dr. Oz announced that while the medical community used to not admit they exist, Fibromyalgia and CFS are do exist and they now have solutions.

“I hope a lot of the audience members’ eyes [are open] now to a problem that afflicts 8 million Americans,” Dr. Oz says. “You don’t have to live with that agony.”

If that wasn’t enough, Dr. Oz said that Dr. Teitelbaum who specializes in Fibromyalgia opened his eyes. This was amazing to me because it was reading Dr. Teitelbaum’s book From Fatigued to Fantastic that led to the second significant sea change in my health. (My introduction to Hellerwork created the first.) I was also reading Fibromyalgia & Muscle Pain: Your Self-Treatment Guide by Leon Chaitow N.D., D.O. Both books helped me to put together a treatment plan that helped me pull myself out of the last major downturn into being in the best health I’ve been in over 10 years and returning to a normal life. I’m still working hard to continue to improve and keep any major downturns at bay.

One of the great things about new visitors to your blog, especially ones that take a moment to write a comment, is the opportunity to discover new blogs and websites. I recently found a few which brought up a few issues I have dealt with myself. But You Don’t Look Sick and The ICI Experience both refer to dealing with something that is invisible to everyone else. While I don’t like to dwell on or discuss my health challenges too much, I do appreciate how much it means to talk to someone who knows from their own experience what you are going through. It can be such a relief when most people find it difficult to understand what they can’t see, in terms of both comprehension and empathy.

When you have a broken arm, there is a cast which clearly identifies a painful injury that limits your physical abilities. There is no judgment or confusion, just generally compassion and an instinct to be of assistance to the person. When your pain is totally invisible you have to explain why you aren’t able to do a physical task, deal with the person’s confusion about your condition and sometimes their dismissal. Since I have been doing so much better I am fortunate to live with the positive side of the invisibility most of the time. I can go through my life being treated as a “normal” unlike someone in a wheelchair or with a visible physical aspect to their condition. However, when I have a flair up, I can be quickly reminded of what it was like for so many years. I have taken handshakes and other friendly touch interactions for granted and it took a painful arm to remember what it was like to fear those moments and not want to have to explain why I was pulling away.

In Sickness and In Health brings up the fact that I haven’t been alone in my experience, my husband has been going through it with me. The same and yet separate journeys. For us it began just before we got married and after over 12 years finally having a more normal life has had its own challenges. Some family members have been supportive, especially my mother, but my husband’s life was taken over by what happened as much as mine was. Barbara K’s comment on one of my posts about dancing brings me back to the how important music and dance are to me. As she said, to “be completely in my body, with joy.” When I first went to college, I studied music and dance and being able to return to these at this time in my life are a special pleasure. I do hope to get my husband out for a dance one day too!

Tonight I celebrated my long awaited triumphant return to my beloved bellydance class! It was delayed two weeks by my shoulder injury. So far I seem to be no worse for having danced my heart out.

Nuff said about the simple pleasure of moving your body to music. The fact that I was 20 lbs lighter just added to the experience.

Walking home from my Pilates session today, I was thinking about my success with losing weight. Fifteen pounds may be the most I’ve ever lost. I can remember losing 10 lbs a few times with great effort and sacrifice and then feeling stalled, discouraged and having a hard time keeping up what I was doing (then of course I gained them back plus more). This time I’m putting in some effort but it feels more relaxed and rather than keeping up extreme diet habits, I’m building ones that I plan to keep on an ongoing basis. For instance, I have yogurt with my breakfast now and for an afternoon snack, I have an apple and a low-fat cheese stick. I have always enjoyed eating apples and yogurt, but instead of eating them randomly I now have a sense of where they best fit in during my day. I’ve also focused a great deal on exercising before with frustratingly little impact – sometimes I did two Spinning classes a day!

Now I’m doing lots of small things – diet, relaxation, exercise – and together they are having a big impact. It reminded me of the quote I have had on my email signature lately:

“Perhaps what we are called to do may not seem like much, but the butterfly is a small creature to affect galaxies thousands of light years away.” ~ Madeleine L’Engle

Within the complex system of my own body, the small efforts I’m making are like the butterflies whose movements can create big waves of change.